To Stars & Glory

Did you laugh at me?
Was it funny?

Did you laugh at me behind my back,
Then,when I had to stumble and fall,
Then, When I fucked up overall?

Yes you did, I know you did…

Did you run around, telling people,
Even though it’s my sacred privacy?

Did you all laugh at me?
Was it funny?

Yes you did, I know you did…

Did you laugh at me when I showed you my wounds, my scars and my hot bleeding soul?
Did you tell people how I cried?
Did you tell them how broken I was?
Did you whisper in their ears that I’m losing my faith, I’m losing control?

Did you not push me down fiercely and helped me drawn,
Then, when I was doing everything I could to get back to life?
Did you not wish that I die?
Did you not feel that ticklish pleasure in your chest, when you saw me dying?
Did you not feel outrageous when you saw me trying?
Did you not lock me up in a dark hole?
Did you not get rid of the keys?
Did you not close the God damn door?

Yes you did, I know you did…

But you are an unaware, ignorant, selfish creature…
Can you even see further than the end of your own nose?

Did you know that I always get up after I fall?
Did you know that I lick my wounds till they heal, and my scars no longer hurt at all?
Did you know that things like you don’t bring me down, even when I have to crawl?
Did you know how much it hurts when you put them first, while they don’t put you at all?

No, you did not, you won’t, you never will, because you can’t,
And I won’t show you the path to stars and glory never at all…

Rise!

You will die, you will die 

It will kill you every time 

It will suck life out of you

And throw you behind

 

You will die trying 

It will kill you every time 

It will suck life out of you

And step over you

 

But when it rains you rise 

 

You will die, you know you will

As life will bring us down 

As people will suck life out of us 

As they manipulate and we still believe their lies

 

But when it rains you rise 

And when it does you will realize 

It’s not us, it’s not them, it’s that thing that keeps us alive until we die 

 

Die as many times as you want to

Die as many times as you think you need to

But don’t die broken 

Don’t die with sorrow

Don’t die when they want you to

Die only when you think you’ve done it & seen it all 

 

But when it rains we rise,

We get up, we get up, yes we try

Katia

On Texting!

Online chatting and texting are awesome things, they can make life easier, more informative and faster to connect. People who hate/dislike phone calls, like me, prefer texting for sure.

But I’m not writing this post to tell you how awesome that is, I mean that would be lame and boring, I should criticize something, and make things look a little ugly, and spray some irony on the subject. That’s just me when I write, sometimes!

A lot of people make texting a very ugly experience, see? I didn’t blame it on texting, I blamed it on people! A lot of people make you wish you never got introduced to smart phones, and sometimes you wish you are on the surface of the moon, where certainly there is no 3G or 4G, some people piss you off and others make you just sit there in the dark and wonder “What the hell is wrong with these people?!”

Dear readers, if you are reading this make sure you are non of the people that I’m gonna mention below, and if you are one of these, please make some efforts to change, because whatever you are doing is just not right!

Strangers & Texting!

Okay cool, we never chatted before? You just found me randomly on some social media and you thought “Oh, what a cool chick, let’s chitchat and impress her!”

Wohoo! I’m all excited! lol

Look dear stranger, if you want to chat, try to follow conversation basic steps, don’t suddenly start asking questions, you don’t have to know how old I’m, where I live, where I work, how many brothers and sisters I have and what I’m doing right now. How about you introduce yourself? And how about you keep it nice, polite and short as a start, why do you have to be so nosy? You really are a stranger at the end, and butting yourself into my business is gonna make you look weird and intimidating. Stop that please, it’s totally ugly, a total turn off.

If we never chatted before here is a very important thing you need to know, I’m not so keen nor happy to receive a text from you late at night, I’m not happy to discover that a lot of people still think it’s ok to text strangers at midnight or later. And hey don’t you be upset if I saw your message and didn’t reply to you. Your late message can be interpreted as “RUDE, STUPID,INAPPROPRIATE, RETARD, ETC

Dear stranger, pretending to discuss work late at night is not an excuse for you to text, tomorrow never dies, hopefully, there is always tomorrow, and there is sunshine after dark, please be patient till the sun comes up and text me, I’m a hard working person, at night I do not want to discuss anything related to work, clear dear stranger?

Clients & Texting!

Great, we love you, we want to help you, we know you expect something from us, whether because you are paying us or because you believe in our knowledge/experience/intelligence/abilities, whatever that was, again I repeat DO NOT TEXT AT NIGHT and expect to have an answer, DO NOT BE UPSET if you were being ignored, because suddenly you felt the urge to figure something out, right now right now, no, no! Hold on! Everything can wait, I know because whatever your problem is right now, at 1 am no one is going to solve it for you, even you won’t get it and try to solve it, even if I told you what you should do, UNLESS, yes and I mean it, UNLESS it was an EMERGENCY, which in my case isn’t a possibility, because I’m not a hospital nor a firefighting station. Sleep tight, relax and text me in the morning, or wait for us to meet.

Managers/Business Owners & Texting!

Yes! I know you have responsibilities! I know  that you are concerned and I know you my have a heart attack from whatever position you are holding! But hey! That is not my problem! Try dear darling to, first of all, be clear in your texts and messages, be as short as possible, I’m sure someone in your position should be smart enough to deliver the point straight, loud and clear. Don’t contradict yourself.

Secondly, I’m not a slave, neither my colleagues, nor you, we are not slaves to our jobs, how about business text messages stop around 8 pm? Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t it be just perfect to be work free physically and mentally by that time? Would you not want to watch a movie? See your friends? Spend time with your family away from your phone? Don’t you have a life? Awesome maybe the answer to all of the above is no! But okay, well, I’m sorry but I do have a life, and you being happy or stressed out for being a business owner or a manager shouldn’t affect me positively or negatively, and I shouldn’t feel that buzz and fuss that you live in, because honestly I’m not in your position, so please give me a break!

Thirdly, whatever language you decide to choose to text me/us, please use that language properly, either you know that language perfectly fine and you know how to use it, and so you do, or do not throw shit in my eyes and trash my head with your poor grammar and awful spelling! I know, they did you wrong when they made you a manager when your, let’s say, English skills are shitty, but hey! It’s okay! You don’t have to suffer! Count me in with you, I don’t have to suffer either! Would you like to use another language? Maybe your mother-tongue is the best option for everyone? Great! Please do that! It makes you look better, and we won’t be making fun of you behind your back!

Complainers & Texts!

Unless you are a family member, or one of those friends that I often hang out with, or be better said, a good good friend of mine, try not to complain to me over any text messages. Why? Because I’m already full of complaints myself, because I don’t need your negativity inside my phone and right there in my eyes and deep in my brains, and I don’t complain to you, so what made you just come and complain to me?

Okay, let’s be human for a second, I want to be a good person and try to help you get the hell out of your shit-hole, why on earth would you complain to me in the middle of the night…? Do you really think this will help me sleep? I’m already insomniac and your gloomy/stressful problems will not help me relax, chill and fall alseep. If by any chance, you are forced to complain, try to do it anytime of the day, but please, not during bed time please, that’s really not fair, not good for anyone and not going to make anything better!

LinkedIn Users & Texts!

Most of the times, you guys are being assholes! You know why? LinkedIn, and other similar sites, are made for people to connect regarding work, finding jobs and expanding businesses. Why do you screw that up and turn it into a dating website? Really? Is that the best you could make out of it? Seriously? Are you sure you’re mature enough? Are you actual adults? Or? Help me figure it out please!

DO NOT ACT LIKE A MORON and use such nice websites to find your other half! Go ahead, and create an account in some actual dating site, there are billions of them…

Texting During Gym Class!

Oh yeah? Wow! How nice of you to use your phone and text during gym class! How respectful and how polite of you! That also applies to texting while in school class, texting during eating, texting during receiving a massage, texting while praying, texting while reading, etc.

Look, I’m sure both Putin, the president of the Russian Federation, and Obama, the president of the United States Of America, keep their phones in the lockers when they hit the gym, and they do run a serious business, I believe lol. And so, I do not think that you will receive some text that is as important as the texts they might receive! That’s firstly.

And secondly, if you wanna keep playing with your phone and texting and taking stupid selfies and showing them off on SnapChat during my class, please get the hell out and come back when you are done, because you are very distracting and you also look very silly! Taraaa!!

My third point is very important, because it’s for your own good; look, I know this damn phone is stuck to your hands with some super glue, and that you just can’t help it, but how about you have some time for yourself? ME, MYSELF AND I TIME? “Me, myself and I time” is an amazing experience! You gotta try it! It’s really awesome! It makes you feel great! It helps you connect with your poor self! Try it, leave your damn phone somewhere and enjoy yourself without it. I promise, you will not die, no!

That’s all for tonight, I hope something will change after this.

Katia,

P.S

Not being upset,  mad or angry, not at all, again, I’m just saying!

A Book Summary: The Other Thing “Who Killed Layla Al Hayek”, Ghassan Kanafani

Main Characters:

  • Saleh: a famous laweyer, who’s accused for killing Layla
  • Layla: a rich woman who’s married to a man called Sa’eed, and Dima’s friend
  • Dima: Saleh’s wife
  • Sa’eed: Layla’s Husband
The Other Thing "Who Killed Layla Al Hayek"

The Other Thing “Who Killed Layla Al Hayek”

Summary: 

Saleh,the narrator and the main character in the story, writes a letter to his wife, Dima,  emphasizing to her that he didn’t kill Layla, after being arrested, explaining why did he not defend himself in front of the law, although he is a lawyer himself, and tells her why he decided to keep quiet, accepting to be considered the murderer, after discovering and realizing “the other thing” that actually killed Layla.

In his letter  to his wife, he writes every single detail about the story of the murder of Layla, from the moment they met along with Dima and Sa’eed, to the moment of her murder, relieving to his wife his actual intentions of accepting to take Layla’s father legacy to his daughter, wanting to win Layla as a lover.

Saleh happens to be in the murder place and, but not in the scene of murder, as he was supposed to meet Layla for their usual affair, when Sa’eed was traveling and away from home, but Layla didn’t show up nor opened the door for him. All the evidences and witnesses happen to be against him as the detector starts detecting the case of her murder, and the circumstances happen to point their fingers at him, while Layla is already dead and can’t defend him as the only person to prove his innocence

Saleh decides to remain totally quiet and refuses to defend himself in the court, and that pisses his lawyer and the judge off, but still he remains quiet, knowing for sure, nothing can prove him innocent no matter what he does, because “The Other Thing” that killed Layla is nothing but “The Accidental Circumstances” that put him from the beginning in that position, place and time. Explaining in his letter that the only things that can get him out of this scary matter and push his neck away from the hang rope is another “Accidental Circumstance”, which somehow deep inside him he knew isn’t going to happen but at the same time somehow wished for it to.

At the end Saleh’s innocence is not to be proved and he is sentenced to death by hanging.

Body Under Maintenance, Week Twelve, Assessment!

At the beginning of week twelve I have decided to go for for assessment, measurements and weighing, and I knew, without having to do that, that I would be frustrated regarding my body fat percentage and weight, since I have been eating too much, way more than I should have, and especially at night.

I know this song is not elegant, but I like to work out while hearing it! Enjoy!

What does my assessment say?

Body Composition:

  • Weight: 53.3 kg
  • Muscle Mass: 22.1 kg
  • Body Fat Mass: 21.9 kg
  • TBW “Total Body Water”: 29.7 kg
  • FFM “FAT FREE MASS”: 40.4 kg

Obesity Diagnosis:

  • BMI “Body Mass Index”: 21.9
  • PBF “Percent Body Fat”: 24.1
  • WHR “Waist-Hip Ratio”: 0.86
  • BMR “Basal Metabolic Rate”: 1243

My Training, Week Twelve

DAY ONE “BACK”

  • Lat Pull Down
  • T-Bar Row
  • Cable Cross Fly ‘Kinesis Machine”
  • Dead Row “Bar”
  • Lay Pull Over “Dumbbells”
  • Dead Lifts “Bar”

DAY TWO “SHOULDERS & BICEPS”

Shoulders:

  • Shoulder Press “Hammer Machine”
  • Rare Deltoid “Cable”
  • Two Arms Fly “Dumbbells”
  • One Arm T Bar Shoulder Press
  • Up Right Row “Cable”

Biceps:

  • Biceps Curl “Cable”
  • Incline Bicep Curl “Dumbbells”
  • Larry Scott D “Dumbbells”

DAY THREE “CHEST & TRICEPS”

Chest:

  • Incline Bench Press
  • Hammer Chest Press
  • Bench Press “Hydraulic Bar”
  • Chest Cable Cross
  • Decline Bench Press

Triceps:

  • Push Down “Cable”
  • One Arm Reverse Triceps “Cable”
  • One Arm Laying Over Head Extension

RESULTS:

  • My assessment says I should gain zero kg muscle mass, but I should lose 0.8 kg of Fat
  • Regular Protein Intake “Still On Going”

I would love to hear from you if you have any suggestion or recommendations on my assessment!

Who I am & why I’m Here!

Me & Horse

I’m Katia Abu Toboul, a freelance group exercise instructor, a previous pianist and a hiker, a Couchsurfer, a piano teacher, a daughter, a sister, a friend and an aunt already!

I speak Arabic, English, Russian and some German. I’m half Palestinian, from my father’s side, and half Russian from my mother’s. I reside in Amman, Jordan, Middle East. And so far my country is in peace.

I have started blogging during October 2013, because I like writing and reading, and I hope one day to publish novels on Amazon and maybe one day have my works published in hard copies.

I write about different topics on my blog. My main focus is fitness in general, since it’s my daily life. I enjoy writing reviews and criticism over fitness programs and experiences, also over supplements and diets. You can find my daily workouts published as well under “Body Under Maintenance”. I started this subject nearly a month ago, and the reason behind it, is not to show off, as many people think, but rather to experiment a whole new life at the gym, to reach my appearance and strength goals, plus inspiring people to go on and do their workouts. I’m looking forwards to see more and more people working out, whether they do it indoors, like we do in my country, or outdoors like it’s possible in other countries.

I get to experience lots of good and bad things, in fitness we are exposed to good changes, like shape and tone and feel stronger, and to negative ones, like injuries, regardless of the size of injuries. And I think sharing all that with people around the globe will help people focus on keeping themselves safe and cool.

I’m a Les Mills internationally certified instructor, and I hope to excel in my career. There are so many things we can do as Les Mills instructors, like being National Master Trainers, Assessors, and more. At the moment I’m working on my strength, fitness level and athletic appearance.

I thought for a while I’m not very good at fantasy and so I decided to write a whole series of fantasy which I called “The Kingdom Of All Kingdoms”, that you can find under Sarcastic Fantasy, which goes on in a realistic ironic manner. In general I’m a sarcastic person, and although many people hate this about me I couldn’t change myself, I’m an ironic blunt critic, but year after year, as I’m getting maturer, I hope, I’m turning softer and gentler.

2014 was all in all bad for me, I still didn’t decide if I want to share why it was bad on my blog, maybe one day I can, and that led me to write “The Kingdom Of All Kingdoms”, reflecting my negativity and my views of how unfair the world is in a fictional way. Bad incidents and experiences with life and people inspire me to write and continue my episodes in there. I have already published 16 different episodes.

I like to travel a lot, and I try to travel every time I could. My job is exhausting and for that I often seek quiet relaxing places for vacations. I enjoy spending time taking pictures during vacations, and a few years ago I bought a “Sony a230”, which I was happy with for a while but not anymore. Anyway, traveling is a blessing, for those who can afford it. I have been to different countries in Europe, Arab World and once to Africa. And I’m looking forwards to explore more of this planet we live on. Sharing pictures on vacations is such a beautiful thing! I hope for people to pay more attention on taking real good pictures and sharing them, for others to see what they can’t see in real with their own eyes! You never know what you could waken in a person or how you can inspire them to change their lives. You can see some pictures in my gallery.

I have published some poems and prose, although I’m not a big fan of poems, how contradictory I know.

I hope I can reach a point of continuous focus and literary maturity to write proper reviews about fiction books, as I enjoy reading them so much.

I love pets and animals, I so wish to have a German Shepherd and a real Arabian horse. For now I can only afford to have cats and their kittens 🙂

I believe life is not easy, it’s not equally fair, some of us are luckier than others, and some are happier than others. I wasn’t all that sensitive towards other people, but last year changed me a lot, and revived some sympathy and empathy that was probably dead in me. I know it seems to all of us that we are all selfish and cold, but I do believe that we can change that impression and fear that we all have towards one another. People need to get rid of their egos, and look equally to other people. I would like to believe that the human race can be more decent, peaceful, and more human. I so want to see change in people’s treatment towards each other, in the streets, in offices and shopping malls. If you can be nice to people around you, even to strangers, you may spread some good impact, so why don’t we all try to drop the rage and to stop reflecting our stress on each other. There is so much violence in the world, we don’t need to add more. I’m not perfect, but I try to help the elders, to make random kids smile, to make teens my friends and listen to their problems and guide them into their lives, as often as I get the chance. Because as much as I teach people something, I learn from them.

That’s all about me and my blog for now, I hope to read more of yours soon!