Nothing But Silence.

Or maybe that’s just a phase that will pass. And maybe all the thoughts and feelings are in the wrong place. Who knows.. And why should we believe what ourselves tell us to believe? Maybe we are laying to ourselves. Maybe we should stop thinking, stop thinking at all. And try to create silence in our heads. Like we are nothing but silence.

After 5 years

After 5 years of having to adapt to having arthritis, I realized that I can’t adapt.

The flare ups take their time and suck life and energy out of me each time.

My autoimmune condition has been affecting my health, fitness level, social life, focus and concentration quality and periods.

I’m really losing interest in things that used to interest me, I no longer enjoy traveling, nor reading or writing.

I also tried to progress at work and in my career, which I realized I can’t do. Being sick and in paid often is just erasing my will power and capacity to go on.

I used to like socializing, but now I look at socializing as pain in the ass, and even sometimes I think I’m terrorized by socializing.

I have slowly given up on my dreams one by one. And I think if I’m given another 10 years to live, I’m going to be this lifeless person who desires and wants nothing.

I can’t see that my health problem is getting better with medications. And I’m coming to conclude also that alternative ways of approaching autoimmune is a total waste of time, money, energy and hope.

Yes I still can’t accept the fact that my life has taken a nasty turn and that I will have to deal with my joints for the rest of my life.

I also have noticed that antidepressants don’t really fix depressions, and that they play a very minor role in fixing mental health. I even stopped seeing my doctor because what’s the point?

What’s the point also from seeing rheumatologists who like to put their patients on crazy medications that vary between immune suppressants and chemo therapy, disregarding side effects.

Wondering at this very moment how much longer do I have to live tormented and locked up in physical pain and discomfort.


لا تبح لهم بسرنا
ولا تشاركهم أحزاننا
لا تخرج عليهم ودموعك في عينيك
ولا تحدثهم وصوتك راجف كما ترتجف يديك

لا تخبرهم كيف تعذبنا
ولا تشاطرهم ويلاتنا وآهاتنا
لا تبتئس من حظك البائس
فهو طريقنا
لا تخبرهم
هذه حياتنا

لا ترهم جروحنا
ولا تجعلهم يتحسسوا دفء ذرفات دمائنا
التي جفت
وسال الخوف بدلا منها

لا تجعلهم يشفقوا
لاتدعهم يضحكوا
ولا تجبرهم أن يولوا هاربين
وكأننا نحن النحس
وكأنك أنت الشؤم
وكأنني أنا المرض
ومعا، كأننا نحن الموت
الأسود، المخنوق، القراس، الهاجس

لا تقل لهم كم هرولت بنا ساعات أجسادنا
إلى الهرم، إلى الأرق،
إلى آلاف الأميال من الزحف
نحو الأمل

لا تقل لهم عن قلبي عندما خفق
ولا تشعرهم به عندما صمت
ولا تسمعهم إياه عندما طغى عليه الصدى
ولا تلفتهم إليك وأنت تهذي في الظلام من الأسى

نحن لسنا لهم
نحن لسنا منهم
ولسنا مثلهم
سنمضي كأننا معهم
ونهرب منهم
تاركين لهم أجسادا،
خاوية من حياة كحياتهم
ترتدي لباسهم
وتشرب مائهم
لكنها تدرك مدارك لا حيلة بها لهم

امشي معي
يدك في يدي
في ذلك الإتجاه
أينما تبدأ السماء
اصعد معي
على درج المجد والعلياء
على درج الخلود
اخطو معي
في الأعالي
أينما تشع النجوم
إلى الأبد
وتسموا أرواحنا على غير مضد
أينما تبدأ الحياة
أينما لن نجد متسعا قط للألم


Sam Feldt – Show Me Love (ft. Kimberly Anne)

BODYCOMBAT™ 64, This Piece Of Steak Is Well Done!

That is the release you want to introduce to your new members! Why? It’s full of great moves & great music, also it’s very easy to follow since the choreography is very repetitive, which will help them find it easy to understand and break down!

  • Track 1: Upper Body & Lower Body Warm Ups (Freaks/Can’t You See)

The coolest music for a warm up will be found here! I still get goose pumps every time I teach this track! There is a lot of basass attitude in it! I love the upper body warm up a lot, members do really get the moves in it and feel pretty much engaged.

As for the lower body warm up, I’m thankful for all the slow and fast side kicks here, that really helps with fixing the technique of this tricky strike! The music is just perfect!

I can say that all in all the warm up is literally a warm up here, really sets you ready to go!

  • Track 2: Combat 1 (Tae Kwon Do & Kick-Boxing) (I’m Shipping Up To Boston)

Hey yey! Jump Kicks are back, the best way to get really fit and feel the work out. It’s a relatively short track but truly fantastic to increase your fitness level! It’s important to try all the options offered in this track!

  • Track 3: Power 1 (Boxing) (You’ve Got The Love (Breeze & Modulate Remix))

That’s a 07:30 minutes track, cardio cardio and more cardio for you, awesome conditioning track for the upper body, ABS and lower body! Love this track, it’s crazy and easy to follow. What I like in this track is the different levels of intensity that one can get to, high repetition will help you learn how to increase or decrease your workout intensity.

  • Track 4: Combat 2 (Tae Kwon Do) (Blast Off)

This track is divided into 3 rounds, The first and the last is basically made to fix your side kick technique, balance and lower body strength. The middle round is made of push up, which will help you increase your endurance and polish your body conditioning. This track will kill you! I promise! it’s very powerful and very demanding!

  • Track 5: Power 2 (Boxing) (Hot Right Now (Jag Skillz VIP Mix))

HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) is what it is all about! A lot of upper cuts, different counts, different durations and different energy levels. You will experience the coolest sprints, also different durations and you are the one to decide the intensity! A very great track to increase your fitness level! Love this one, it’s all about cardio!

  • Track 6: Combat 3 (Mixed Martial Arts, Capoeira)(Black Widow)

When you hear Capoeira get your legs ready for a serious workout.

I like this track for 2 main reasons; the 1st is that it’s easy to remember and follow, members enjoy what they can remember. And the 2nd reason is that it is a great workout, a lot of conditioning is in there. This one will help you get your legs stronger and more balanced. If you have knee problems try to always take option 1! But if you want to challenge yourself go on and try all the jumping lunges!

  • Track 7: Muay Thai (La Nina Mechanica)

This is 8 minutes of madness, a lot of elbows, a lot of knees, and a lot of running man! I love the push kicks in the track, I adore the music and the feel in the track; a lot of power, aggression and elevation! You can always take it easy until you get used to it! True fighters will go on till the end!

  • Track 8: Power 3 (Boxing) (If You Surrender)

3 rounds of cool boxing! Jabs, hooks, upper cuts, running and scissors. The last 6:30 minutes of the workout will feel amazing as you finish with a lot of single jabs! A total of 256 punches in this track! Your arms and shoulders will burn! Love the sensation!

Katia 🙂




Wiko Highway 4G, Review “A Very Fast Trip, A Very Bad Trip”!


This phone looks fabuliuos, it comes in nice colors; black, white, orange, purple and blue. Its Powered by a 2GHz quad-core NVIDIA® Tegra® 4i processor, the HIGHWAY 4G is the most powerful 4G smartphone, it is fast and easy to use. Running Android KitKat, it has a 5-inch Full HD display, which makes you enjoy viewing things on it, the colors happen to look magnificent through it. The 16-megapixel main camera and 8-megapixel selfie camera are both of exceptional quality, providing total satisfaction.

But here is the thing, if you are planning to buy something and kind of invest in your money, avoid buying a phone that has a bad-made hardware. 1 month after I bought it, the back camera broke, I was surprised to see the outer glass cracked, and replacing requires a new camera and a new back cover, since once it’s opened from the back, the whole back cover is to be changed, bad idea? Yes! To me as a user that’s a very bad idea. I don’t remember the phone calling in the 1st month of usage. Fixing that needs around 200$, if I doubled that amount I could buy a new phone, something like Sony, Samsung or maybe some HTC. I’m not saying Samsung is doing well, unfortunately it is not.

Anyway, so 4 months of usage results in a loose in the charging spot, electricity doesn’t reach to the charging spot unless the phone is held of laid in a certain way to receive electricity, defect? Yes! A big one for me, because even the worst phone didn’t do that to me, among all the phones I used, I never faced such a problem. And of course this one started gradually, now I’m actually while writing this review, trying to charge it by holding in a certain way, and it’s still stating a low battery, I can’t switch my phone on.

All the beautiful features are going to be very minor next to a bad or a poorly made and designed body, it got a bad rating from me to be honest!!!

Please, do not commit a mistake and buy a Wiko phone at all, my advice and the rest is up to you.

To The Most Amazing Man, After Father!


2014 In Review!

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 14,000 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 5 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

My Shoes [MAPS Film School]


I want the whole world to see this clip, because it’s truly expressive and genuine. Be careful what you wish for, not everything you see is what it seems like. Be grateful for what you have, and more important, be grateful for what you don’t have!

You need some money exchange service? Avoid Samhouri Exchange!

Alright guys, I really don’t like to do this, but I’m pissed off and I’m forced to tell you how awful Samhouri exchange company is.

I had to transfer some money via Western Union to a person in Dubai, UAE. Unfortunately I did that by going to Samhouri exchange, Mecca Mall branch, Amman, Jordan. The first attempt failed since my friend in Dubai couldn’t collect the money because his passport was with the authorities to get his visa and work permit since he moved there recently. So I changed the name of the receiver to another friend, which happened a few days later, the second friend didn’t go collect the money, since as he said was busy, although when I asked him if he could help me he confirmed to be the one to do it. I had to change the name of the receiver again, you so so far I had to go to the exchange office three times, so my last attempt was yesterday, and the girl who works there confirmed that it has been changed and that my friend can collect the money in half an hour. So I contacted my friend and told her she can collect the money, gave her the transaction number and everything needed.

Today morning my friend called me to tell me she couldn’t collect the money, because the transfer doesn’t have her name on it! I was pretty surprised. And thought great! That could mean that my second attempt to change the name also didn’t happen.

The girl who works in that branch is rude, and has an attitude, I don’t know who hired her, she deals with customers as if she is forced to do the job, and her attitude is that of a person who thinks others’ people’s life depend on her.

I was surprised when I went to change the name the third time when they told me the system is down, and I decided to be patient about it, since they said come back tomorrow. So basically I went there 4 times in total. When I went the 4th and the last time, they still said the system is down, and then I asked them to do it from another branch, or find any way to do it, or just let me withdraw the money to do it from another place, but they confirmed that everything will be alright in 30 minutes.

Now if you ask me about the customer service in my country, I would say: WE HAVE NOTHING CALLED CUSTOMER SERVICE. We only know and hear about it, but we don’t get to experience it. I can tell you so many stories about our bad customer service, about money you pay to get a bad service and a bad treatment. And it’s very strange in case of money exchange companies, for one reason, to me at least, we have been having them since the day the oldest streets in this country had been paved.

And funny enough, the only way to get your things done in this place is to scream and shout and talk to people in higher positions to complain, only then, really only then you get what you paid for, added to that your wasted time and nerves.

To the girl who works there, if she ever reads this, darling go home and give a chance to people who really need the job.

Usually and normally such services, as money transfer, occur and happen in the same day, but Samhouri Exchange is not interested to transfer your money. Please avoid this company no matter what your circumstance is.