I won’t waste your time reading empty introductions, like most articles do to you!
So here are the steps you need to make in order to become a successful fitness instructor (mainly group fitness) if you are living in a country like mine, Jordan!
Step 1 Forget Everything Before Step 1!
Forget everything you know and you’ve learned before this article. Because whatever you know and whatever you are doing in order to be successful is just a waste of time.
Step 2 Kiss Ass!
The time has come for you to kiss ass, if you don’t know how, you need to start learning. The easiest way to learn is by watching your colleagues kissing ass to the manager or anyone in charge for the schedule and hiring instructors.
If you already know how to kiss ass everything is good, maybe you just need to take it to the next level; which is licking ass. Go ahead! Don’t waste your time! Only ass kisser and lickers are on the top of the pyramid.
Kissing ass can be by roaming around the manager and compliment them, buy them gifts for a reason or without, act like you care when they are not feeling well, take their side when they are clashing with someone else, etc.
Step 3 Clown Around!
If you take yourself seriously and your job seriously, you are a serious lame asshole! You need to loosen up, be a clown, let people laugh at you, entertain the crowds, entertain the folks. Forget that you are there to make people fit, from now on you are there to entertain people, you are a new clown on some stage!
Step 4 Bluff, Bullshit & Lie!
Let’s say you are teaching a program like Zumba, since it’s the silliest form of fitness I can think of, don’t forget to bluff and bullshit people about how many calories they are going to burn in your class! Your goal is to attract people to come to your class, your target is to have a full class to have a full payment, right? Don’t forget to lie to them and tell them they are going to burn a thousand calorie today! In an hour! In just an hour!
Your integrity doesn’t mean anything to anyone, as long as you can believe your own lies then you are perfectly credible!
Step 5 Be Twisted!
Never ever be honest! Never ever be straight forward & never ever help others for the sake of helping them. You need to be twisted, that’s’ the only way people get it right! Never ever show your real you, no one is going to like that, no one is ever going to appreciate that and no one ever is going to let that happen. Be twisted, make deals under the table, cook stuff in the backyard, stab your colleagues in the back but never in the open nor in public!
Step 6 Be Real! Figure, Shape, Charisma, Fitness, Coaching and Technique Are Secondary!
Yes! Believe it or not! Your prefect technique, understandable coaching, pumped muscles, sexy flat abs, awesome gluts, shinning charisma and all that don’t freaking matter! if you are a fitness instructor in a country like mine, don’t work hard to be whatever I’ve mentioned before, work hard to do the five previous steps! Even if you are chubby, obese or not even fit, and you need a lot of water breaks in the middle of the class, even if your personality sucks, even if you can barely jump on the spot it doesn’t matter as long as you are following the steps mentioned before!
Happy Group Exercise Instructors Life, To Everyone!
Online chatting and texting are awesome things, they can make life easier, more informative and faster to connect. People who hate/dislike phone calls, like me, prefer texting for sure.
But I’m not writing this post to tell you how awesome that is, I mean that would be lame and boring, I should criticize something, and make things look a little ugly, and spray some irony on the subject. That’s just me when I write, sometimes!
A lot of people make texting a very ugly experience, see? I didn’t blame it on texting, I blamed it on people! A lot of people make you wish you never got introduced to smart phones, and sometimes you wish you are on the surface of the moon, where certainly there is no 3G or 4G, some people piss you off and others make you just sit there in the dark and wonder “What the hell is wrong with these people?!”
Dear readers, if you are reading this make sure you are non of the people that I’m gonna mention below, and if you are one of these, please make some efforts to change, because whatever you are doing is just not right!
Strangers & Texting!
Okay cool, we never chatted before? You just found me randomly on some social media and you thought “Oh, what a cool chick, let’s chitchat and impress her!”
Wohoo! I’m all excited! lol
Look dear stranger, if you want to chat, try to follow conversation basic steps, don’t suddenly start asking questions, you don’t have to know how old I’m, where I live, where I work, how many brothers and sisters I have and what I’m doing right now. How about you introduce yourself? And how about you keep it nice, polite and short as a start, why do you have to be so nosy? You really are a stranger at the end, and butting yourself into my business is gonna make you look weird and intimidating. Stop that please, it’s totally ugly, a total turn off.
If we never chatted before here is a very important thing you need to know, I’m not so keen nor happy to receive a text from you late at night, I’m not happy to discover that a lot of people still think it’s ok to text strangers at midnight or later. And hey don’t you be upset if I saw your message and didn’t reply to you. Your late message can be interpreted as “RUDE, STUPID,INAPPROPRIATE, RETARD, ETC“
Dear stranger, pretending to discuss work late at night is not an excuse for you to text, tomorrow never dies, hopefully, there is always tomorrow, and there is sunshine after dark, please be patient till the sun comes up and text me, I’m a hard working person, at night I do not want to discuss anything related to work, clear dear stranger?
Clients & Texting!
Great, we love you, we want to help you, we know you expect something from us, whether because you are paying us or because you believe in our knowledge/experience/intelligence/abilities, whatever that was, again I repeat DO NOT TEXT AT NIGHT and expect to have an answer, DO NOT BE UPSET if you were being ignored, because suddenly you felt the urge to figure something out, right now right now, no, no! Hold on! Everything can wait, I know because whatever your problem is right now, at 1 am no one is going to solve it for you, even you won’t get it and try to solve it, even if I told you what you should do, UNLESS, yes and I mean it, UNLESS it was an EMERGENCY, which in my case isn’t a possibility, because I’m not a hospital nor a firefighting station. Sleep tight, relax and text me in the morning, or wait for us to meet.
Managers/Business Owners & Texting!
Yes! I know you have responsibilities! I know that you are concerned and I know you my have a heart attack from whatever position you are holding! But hey! That is not my problem! Try dear darling to, first of all, be clear in your texts and messages, be as short as possible, I’m sure someone in your position should be smart enough to deliver the point straight, loud and clear. Don’t contradict yourself.
Secondly, I’m not a slave, neither my colleagues, nor you, we are not slaves to our jobs, how about business text messages stop around 8 pm? Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t it be just perfect to be work free physically and mentally by that time? Would you not want to watch a movie? See your friends? Spend time with your family away from your phone? Don’t you have a life? Awesome maybe the answer to all of the above is no! But okay, well, I’m sorry but I do have a life, and you being happy or stressed out for being a business owner or a manager shouldn’t affect me positively or negatively, and I shouldn’t feel that buzz and fuss that you live in, because honestly I’m not in your position, so please give me a break!
Thirdly, whatever language you decide to choose to text me/us, please use that language properly, either you know that language perfectly fine and you know how to use it, and so you do, or do not throw shit in my eyes and trash my head with your poor grammar and awful spelling! I know, they did you wrong when they made you a manager when your, let’s say, English skills are shitty, but hey! It’s okay! You don’t have to suffer! Count me in with you, I don’t have to suffer either! Would you like to use another language? Maybe your mother-tongue is the best option for everyone? Great! Please do that! It makes you look better, and we won’t be making fun of you behind your back!
Complainers & Texts!
Unless you are a family member, or one of those friends that I often hang out with, or be better said, a good good friend of mine, try not to complain to me over any text messages. Why? Because I’m already full of complaints myself, because I don’t need your negativity inside my phone and right there in my eyes and deep in my brains, and I don’t complain to you, so what made you just come and complain to me?
Okay, let’s be human for a second, I want to be a good person and try to help you get the hell out of your shit-hole, why on earth would you complain to me in the middle of the night…? Do you really think this will help me sleep? I’m already insomniac and your gloomy/stressful problems will not help me relax, chill and fall alseep. If by any chance, you are forced to complain, try to do it anytime of the day, but please, not during bed time please, that’s really not fair, not good for anyone and not going to make anything better!
LinkedIn Users & Texts!
Most of the times, you guys are being assholes! You know why? LinkedIn, and other similar sites, are made for people to connect regarding work, finding jobs and expanding businesses. Why do you screw that up and turn it into a dating website? Really? Is that the best you could make out of it? Seriously? Are you sure you’re mature enough? Are you actual adults? Or? Help me figure it out please!
DO NOT ACT LIKE A MORON and use such nice websites to find your other half! Go ahead, and create an account in some actual dating site, there are billions of them…
Texting During Gym Class!
Oh yeah? Wow! How nice of you to use your phone and text during gym class! How respectful and how polite of you! That also applies to texting while in school class, texting during eating, texting during receiving a massage, texting while praying, texting while reading, etc.
Look, I’m sure both Putin, the president of the Russian Federation, and Obama, the president of the United States Of America, keep their phones in the lockers when they hit the gym, and they do run a serious business, I believe lol. And so, I do not think that you will receive some text that is as important as the texts they might receive! That’s firstly.
And secondly, if you wanna keep playing with your phone and texting and taking stupid selfies and showing them off on SnapChat during my class, please get the hell out and come back when you are done, because you are very distracting and you also look very silly! Taraaa!!
My third point is very important, because it’s for your own good; look, I know this damn phone is stuck to your hands with some super glue, and that you just can’t help it, but how about you have some time for yourself? ME, MYSELF AND I TIME? “Me, myself and I time” is an amazing experience! You gotta try it! It’s really awesome! It makes you feel great! It helps you connect with your poor self! Try it, leave your damn phone somewhere and enjoy yourself without it. I promise, you will not die, no!
That’s all for tonight, I hope something will change after this.
Not being upset, mad or angry, not at all, again, I’m just saying!
So in the infinite “industrial kingdoms” hundreds of millions of “citizens” worked and worked all the time, on a single shift or on a double shift. They worked day and night. They no longer had names or identities, they had numbers, they were digits, yes digits that’s all they were. So when they got into work they had to sign in using their digits and sometimes finger prints, and when they left work or got a break they had to do the same, no one trusted nobody, if one forgot to sign in it was their problem, there was no way to prove that they worked that day or that night. No one considered anyone’s circumstances, situations or position. So if they came they came, they signed in and it was going to show later, and if they didn’t they had to double their working hours later, or they had no chance to take a rest, or they got paid less,which is again about digits!
Besides that no one addressed anyone as a person, no one asked someone how they were doing, or how they felt, or what was up! no one cared for no one. All that mattered was to do and get the job done. And what mattered at the end was results, and results were also digits. How much of this we made and how much of that we finished, and how much are are going to produce of this item, and how many missing items are there, what are we exporting and how much of it has been requested, and what are we importing, when and how many, what’s the cost? what’s the income? That was briefly what was happening in the infinite “industrial kingdoms”
So what happened if one worker couldn’t work anymore, if they lost some body parts while working, which happened frequently in places like factories and mines, some of these “citizens” lost some limbs? And what about those who ended up with serious sicknesses like cancers, especially those who worked in radiated environment? What happened to those who faced smaller problems like breaking bones or got seriously injured but by time they maybe had a chance to go back to work, because that all they had to do! They were not meant to have anything else to do or another life to live! What about those who simply died in some work accidents? So what happened to those?
You may wonder, right? I’m going to tell you nothing but the truth, those “citizens” who were just labor, lived and died at work. And what happened to those who became useless? and what happened to those who were useless for a while! They were fired, thrown away like used old rags, they were simply replaced. Everyone down there was used till totally abused. And when the infinite “industrial kingdoms” needed some labor they simply requested more digits to do the work. And that happened either through the “Royal Educational missions” since they knew how to find people with low IQ, or letting some labor, in advance of course since it was all planned and designed to last for hundreds of decades, to make children, and those children were considered as the future labor digits. And of course to answer your questions, they were all brought up with the least resources and with no education, they were simply made to be nothing but non-stop workers, they were meant to grow up to work till they died. And those who died were burned and their ashes no one cared for. To bury all these it meant they had to sacrifice some space of land, which no one wanted to do, it can be used for industrial purposes.
That was the life cycle of a working “citizen”, it can be short, it can be long, but at the end it was all the same.
Christmas? New Year’s? Mothers’ day? Valentine’s? The Queen thought: oh really? When is this going to end?!
The “citizens” were always totally annoying a few days before a certain occasion, running around shopping for gifts, clothes, booking spots in restaurants to dine, hotel rooms, or booking tickets in theaters, buying big amounts of flowers, chocolates, decorations, foods and beverages, etc. Making the cities noisy, dirty and jammed. Besides that everything looked so trivial, cheap, and pretty much meaningless, tasteless and colorless.
The Queen was wondering if “citizens” actually understood the real meaning behind these occasions, but she surely knew they didn’t. She also understood the majority of them were shallow, and expressed their feelings in a materialistic way, they were too shallow to take a minute and read to find out the real reason behind any occasion. She thought it’s totally odd how people don’t get sick and tired of repetitions, when every year they had the same occasions and they did the same things over and over again till their lives came to an end, and how they made sure to teach the coming generations to keep that loop of repetition. She even thought these “citizens” would celebrate any occasion even if it wasn’t related to them or to their culture and beliefs, and funny enough they did celebrate that the same way the celebrated everything else. She thought low of those who ignored glorious honorable occasions and replaced them with silly ones, and how they didn’t mind to erase their identities and origins. It was absolutely stupid to her how they didn’t notice how they keep making the rich richer when they keep spending, or wasting she preferred to think, their money this way.
Birthdays especially turned the Queen sarcastic and ironic, when she saw “citizens” joyful about their birthdays. She thought how can any of them be happy to lose one more year of their lives! But anyway there weren’t all that important to live forever.
She wasn’t pleased to see how the rich didn’t teach their kids to try and be creative but instead took them to shops to buy gifts and taught them nothing sensual but rather materialistic.
She was only happy to see how some kids down there tried to make gifts by themselves, drew and painted some cards and wrote actual letters, picked flowers from the fields, and crafted simple things that reflected their feelings and innocence. The poor of course had no chance to buy things, but rather made their own desserts, foods and drinks. They exchanged simple gifts they made themselves, or exchanged last year’s gifts. But those made her smile, when she sat on her throne above there and watched the life of these “citizens” passing by.
The Queen decided for 10 “citizen” years to ruin these occasions for the “citizens” trying to lessen the bullshit happening down their by making the weather totally icy, or absolutely hot and dusty. She Enjoyed seeing icicles, and mirror like reflecting roads, and loved the seen of the golden sands flying aggressively in the air in tornado shapes. She loved that power of nature and loved more her power of control. For 10 years in every occasion that people turned commercial and materialistic she used ice and extreme heat with dust to ruin their plans and their fake joy.
The Queen needn’t know what they thought, she knew exactly how they felt and what they thought. She laughed at some when they lost their temper over it, and how they smashed things and fought against each other, it made her laugh when she saw people getting depressed and letting themselves down, and how their bad moods were so strong and affected others, these were selfish she thought, selfish they had no consideration whatsoever. She was proud of these “citizens” who didn’t care and had enough brains to think nothing mattered but safety, good health and took care of their loved ones during the bad weather. She liked taking a look at those who took the chance to rest their bodies and brains, and those who took the chance to do the things they didn’t have the chance to do in regular days. She mostly enjoyed watching little kids running around indoors still playing and laughing, inventing new games every day to play and kill time.
And although 10 years passed of no actual “citizen” celebration, nothing changed afterwards, the Queen stopped making the weather horrible for them, but still the moment things went back to normal they went back to their old habits and their old ways of doing things. She thought “citizens” will never ever change, the majority never wanted to change or make any difference and progress, instead 10 years of no celebrations made them hungry for more trivial ways of celebrating. And so the Queen decided to remember all those who did their best during these 10 years and decided to rewards them with inner peace and rewarded them with more wisdom and smartness. Although she loved the kids the most, and protected them every chance she had, she still kept an eye on them to see how they are growing up and what direction they were to choose for themselves as they started to mature a bit. She knew they are not going to be cute, innocent and lovely kids forever.